Peer
pressure is a daily reality. Our children are often taught truisms
to help them deal with negative peer pressure (defined as peer
pressure they don't like), like “sticks and stones will break my
bones, but names will never hurt me,” or “You're not the boss of
me!”
Never
fails to fail for one simple reason: the other children aren't
affected by it. If they were vulnerable to such reasoning and
platitudes, they would not be bothering your child to begin with.
Peer
pressure is something all of us deal with, and children are exposed
to daily doses without much in the way of teacher intervention and
guidance. Unless your child actually complains in a way that makes
the teacher concerned for their job, that teacher is likely to stay
under that shaded area and watch the kids while chatting with her
friends (go check – see if what I say isn't true after four decades
of watching it myself while getting sunburned myself).
How
do you prepare your child? Rule one of Spiral-Matrix: Never
depend on one source (teachers in this case) for anything.
Peer pressure is far more pervasive that you may realize. A simple
glance at a restaurant (“I can't believe they let their child do
that,”) to a folded arms as you share your argument (“What an
idiot that he thinks differently from me.”)
To
be able to deal with peer pressure, a child must:
- Be aware of peer pressure;
- Be able to use, deliberately, peer pressure;
- Must be taught independence of spirit and self-evaluation;
- Must be able to teach other children to be independent of spirit and self-evaluation.
The
first gives them the means to discover it and deal with it.
The
second gives them a user's view of it so they can learn to do so
ethically instead of judgmentally.
The
third gives them immunity, so they can get the messages, without
taking the judgment personally.
The
fourth gives them the ability help others amongst their peers so
their environment (work, marriage, school) improve.
I
did this with my children for several decades. First, I taught them
what peer pressure was. I used it deliberately in my classroom, such
as when a child was doing something disruptive and with a gesture the
whole class goes silent and waits for the child, calmly,
non-judgmentally, until they grow conscious that we are waiting, not
just the teacher.
Then
I taught the kids how to be immune from it.
“Do
you have to feel bad?”
“Who
is in charge of how you feel?”
“Do
you want to give me, the teacher, that kind of power over you?”
“Who
decides what you are?”
Then
I taught them how to help other children become independent and
secure in themselves, putting learning about themselves first, not
their image of themselves. They stopped defending their images and
took a genuine interest in self-discovery, no matter where they were.
Your
children constantly juggle the emotional baggage of a room full of
kids with little impulse control and a teacher with little training
in how to control and balance it (half of C.R.A.B., our program of
Control, Range, Adaptability, and Balance).
Leave
your child without the tools to do this, and your child will grow up
like every other child.
That's
not what we do here at Spiral-Matrix. We aim higher.
If
you need help creating such a program, we're happy to help.
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